DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Ph.D. student in a college town where the local public bus also serves as the campus bus, and students get free fare. As a result, it is often very crowded, mostly with undergrads.

At my advanced age of 30, I have learned (or at least thought I'd learned) that on a very crowded bus, it is accepted practice to get off the bus briefly to let other people off if you are blocking the door.

It seems, however, that NO ONE does this. Undergrads stand there blocking the door while five to 10 people try to get off. They are dumbstruck, as if there is no solution to the predicament they find themselves in. This is exacerbated by the fact that everyone is wearing headphones (including me, to be fair).

I’ve been putting up with this for years. Recently, in a fit of agitation, I yelled “MOVE!” at people blocking the door, in a tone similar to a cow. This didn’t feel great.

Am I correct that getting off the bus briefly is the best practice here? If so, do you have any ideas on how I can politely impart this knowledge to these new-to-the-bus riders?

To be fair to these poor kids, one time I found myself blocking the door, so I stepped off -- and the bus tried to leave without me. I was forced to yell for the driver to wait (which he did). I think they’re just afraid of this happening, and are too scared or inexperienced to communicate with the driver.

GENTLE READER: It would indeed be easier if people stepped off the bus, but Miss Manners fears that no one is going to deputize you as the bus police, so you will have to concentrate on getting out yourself.

Most people are embarrassed to raise their voices in public and therefore equate it with being rude. But one can speak loudly -- shout, even -- in a noisy environment without therefore having to resort to mooing or worse. “COMING OUT, PLEASE!” works.

You can also try to ease your way by warning the person in front of you that yours is the next stop -- although you will then be stuck when they tell you that they are also getting off there.

If you do step off to allow others to exit, hold the bus door open for those disembarking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old friend got in touch after some years apart and said she would like to come visit. That’s great with me, but I am wondering how best to entertain her since we haven’t seen one another in years.

Is it polite to inquire ahead what she would like to drink? I don’t want to imply that I think she has to have alcohol, although in the “old days,” the question “Beer, wine or whiskey?” seemed perfectly normal. What’s the best way to put it?

GENTLE READER: Pick something more neutral from your shared past and ask if she still enjoys that. Miss Manners expects her to be charmed that you remember -- even if you get it wrong.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have skills and interests that are rather unusual in modern times. I enjoy these hobbies immensely, though I make a point of not bringing them up with new acquaintances, since they are not likely to make a two-way conversation flow.

When I meet a friend of a friend, however, my interests are invariably a part of the introduction, usually followed by a comment like, “She’s so good at everything, it makes me sick!”

I am certainly not good at everything. There are plenty of things I am just terrible at! Perhaps there is talent in what I do well, beyond the learning of a skill, but I have worked hard to develop that talent -- not to show off, but just because it fascinates me.

I would be absolutely thrilled to teach anyone who wanted to learn, since I hate to think of these skills becoming extinct. Really, anybody who wanted to learn could.

I realize that my friends mean to express admiration for skills they do not possess and do not care to gain, but being told I "make them sick" is very off-putting to me, and I have no idea how I am supposed to respond.

GENTLE READER: “Oh, I’m so sorry! I never dreamed my little interests would upset you. Are you going to be all right?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My hair is so thin on top you can see my scalp. I am going to an upscale evening wedding. Would it be a social error to wear a hat?

GENTLE READER: Aren’t weddings what hats are for? Well, enhancing heads, too.

Perhaps you are concerned because it is an evening wedding. But in that case, you wear what is aptly called a fascinator -- something whimsical but without a brim, strategically placed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother and his wife were visiting me for a week. During that week, I was invited to a barbecue at the home of some old friends.

I explained that my brother and sister-in-law were visiting and asked if it would be OK for them to attend. The hostess said “of course.” I made extra portions of food and brought them along.

Now, my spouse has said that it was rude of me to accept the invitation and that by asking whether my visiting brother could attend I was putting the hostess on the spot and that she could not say no.

As these are old friends, and I have met many of their families at other events (including ones I have hosted), I didn’t think asking this question about my own relatives was rude. Was it?

GENTLE READER: Well, there is a formula that makes it easier on the hostess. If you say, “Oh, we’d love to, but my brother and sister-in-law are visiting then,” she can say either “Please bring them” or “I’d love to meet them another time.”

There are polite ways to say no. If not, we would all be at the mercy of anyone suggesting anything.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had season tickets to the orchestra for a couple of decades. For evening concerts, the orchestra wears white tie, and women soloists wear evening dress. For afternoon concerts, the soloists still wear evening dress, and the men in the orchestra wear black suits, black shirts and black ties.

The musicians who are women, however, wear an assortment of black clothes: from black slacks with a regular black shirt to an orchestra musician’s traditional long black dress.

In my opinion, some of the women look as though they should be turning on the TV and getting a big bowl of popcorn.

GENTLE READER: Strange, isn’t it, that when formal clothes are called for, men are often now more dressed up than women? Not counting the Oscars, of course.

Miss Manners has noticed this in orchestras, but also at social events. The men will be properly -- not to mention attractively -- clad in dinner jackets, while many of the women hardly bother to dress up.

Granted, women are expected to show variety in their outfits, and there are unlikely to be enough formal events in modern life for them to invest in an evening wardrobe.

But even when such occasions were more common, ladies knew how to dress up without maintaining costume shops -- pairing basic dresses with scarves, jewelry or little jackets. Miss Manners herself once managed one carry-on bag to the Wagner festival at Bayreuth -- encompassing 10 formal evenings -- with one evening dress and a different look every night.

As for orchestras, surely women musicians can find long black dresses or trouser suits they can wear at every concert. Variety is not a concern in this case.

Of course, these garments would have to allow for ease in playing their instruments. Miss Manners recalls reading about a cellist who tried on a dress in a New York department store by sitting down and opening her legs to accommodate an imaginary cello -- whereupon the saleswoman said sternly, “Madam! Bergdorf’s is not that kind of store!”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in my late 70s and enjoy spending time with my adult children. My son-in-law drives a van, which is very hard for me to get into. I would prefer to take our car, which is easy for me. However, anytime we go as a group, we take his van.

When I asked my husband what we might do to avoid my difficulty, he just said, “(Son-in-law) likes to drive.”

I’m spending my second day in pain from getting in and out of this van. Would it be rude of me to insist on taking our car? How should I express my needs without seeming too demanding? Also, I’m not able to drive at night.

GENTLE READER: So you really need your son-in-law’s help in getting around, and it is not unreasonable for him to use his own car -- especially as there seem to be several people in this group, and a van is probably a better fit.

Miss Manners is not unsympathetic with you; she mentions this only to free you from any sense of victimhood. And then to tell you to buy a small folding footstool to keep in the van for these excursions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)